'I'm a d**k and I'm proud of it!': Smooth-talking, squinting, New Yorker Alik Alfus used his charm on Louise Thompson after fighting Ryan 'the Ry-Man' Libbey on Made In Chelsea, by Jim Shelley

Made In Chelsea was a disappointment after the fireworks of last week’s big fight between Ryan 'The Ry-Man' Libbey and his American rival Alik 'The Fonz' Alfus.

Any viewers hoping for having a re-match (i.e. all of them) would have found the scenes they shared decidedly less dramatic/gratifying - mostly because there weren’t any.

Louise Thompson’s boyfriend and her ex were kept apart so there was no repeat of the thrilling, frenzied, violence in the previous episode.

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Moving on: Made In Chelsea was a disappointment after the fireworks of last week’s big fight between Ryan 'The Ry-Man' Libbey and his American rival Alik 'The Fonz' Alfus

Moving on: Made In Chelsea was a disappointment after the fireworks of last week’s big fight between Ryan 'The Ry-Man' Libbey and his American rival Alik 'The Fonz' Alfus

'I hate you!' Ryan had squealed kicking Alfus in the shin and pulling his hair after Alik had riled ‘The Ry-Man’ by using his oily charm on Louise and mocked Ryan’s pumped up plastic machismo.

'You’re like an angry bear!' he had scoffed, doing an impersonation of an English accent that Dick Van Dyke would have frowned at – although not as hard as Alik was frowning.

Early hopes of another clash were high after Sam Thompson’s attempt at rapprochement were met with more fighting talk.

'If you want to be mates with me then apologise to Ryan,' the trendy Trump head implored.

Making up: Louise Thompson’s boyfriend and her ex were kept apart so there was no repeat of the thrilling, frenzied, violence in the previous episode

Making up: Louise Thompson’s boyfriend and her ex were kept apart so there was no repeat of the thrilling, frenzied, violence in the previous episode

No more:?Any viewers hoping for having a re-match (i.e. all of them) would have found the scenes they shared decidedly less dramatic/gratifying - mostly because there weren’t any

No more:?Any viewers hoping for having a re-match (i.e. all of them) would have found the scenes they shared decidedly less dramatic/gratifying - mostly because there weren’t any

'That’s not happening!' Alik raged. 'Ultimately the message behind my intro to this guy was: "let's be friends because I care for Louise." He could've said: "sure, lets be friendly. But listen I’m an aggressive New Yorker. If I throw kindness your way and you reject me I’m going to s**t on you!"'

Louise herself had discovered this as well. 'I went to mee-hee-heet hup with Al-airk,' she told Ryan, trying to sound as posh as the other gals. 'I tried to deef-hend you and hi. He didn’t really like anything I had to say.'

Who does?

'And then sudden-lair he just started attacking mee-eeee and saying I wasn’t happ-air.'

'I remember him as really nice and sweet,’ lamented her brother. 'What I’m gathering here is: alpha male, bit of a d**k.'

Frank: Early hopes of another clash were high after Sam Thompson’s attempt at rapprochement were met with more fighting talk. 'If you want to be mates with me then apologise to Ryan,' the trendy Trump head implored
Frank: Early hopes of another clash were high after Sam Thompson’s attempt at rapprochement were met with more fighting talk. 'If you want to be mates with me then apologise to Ryan,' the trendy Trump head implored

Frank: Early hopes of another clash were high after Sam Thompson’s attempt at rapprochement were met with more fighting talk. 'If you want to be mates with me then apologise to Ryan,' the trendy Trump head implored

Standing his ground: 'That’s not happening!' Alik raged. 'Ultimately the message behind my intro to this guy was: "let's be friends because I care for Louise." He could've said: "sure, lets be friendly. But listen I’m an aggressive New Yorker. If I throw kindness your way and you reject me I’m going to s**t on you!"'

Standing his ground: 'That’s not happening!' Alik raged. 'Ultimately the message behind my intro to this guy was: "let's be friends because I care for Louise." He could've said: "sure, lets be friendly. But listen I’m an aggressive New Yorker. If I throw kindness your way and you reject me I’m going to s**t on you!"'

Strangely enough Alik later agreed, pointing out that when he joined the series the late, great, Spencer Matthews had done same thing as he had to Ryan.

'When I first met Spenny he was always poking and prodding me about Louise!'

'Spenny’s a d**k!' Sam interjected.

'Alright then call me a d**k!' Alik snapped.

'You ARE a d**k!' spluttered Sam. 'Fine I’m a d**k! I'm the biggest dick and you know what? I’m proud of it!'

After this sophisticated, mature, exchange of views, Alik stormed off but not before telling Sam he was ‘a child’ and needed to ‘grow up’ – ironic but not mistaken.

Honest: Louise herself had discovered this as well. 'I went to mee-hee-heet hup with Al-airk,' she told Ryan, trying to sound as posh as the other gals. 'I tried to deef-hend you and hi. He didn’t really like anything I had to say'

Honest: Louise herself had discovered this as well. 'I went to mee-hee-heet hup with Al-airk,' she told Ryan, trying to sound as posh as the other gals. 'I tried to deef-hend you and hi. He didn’t really like anything I had to say'

Pointing it out: Strangely enough Alik later agreed, pointing out that when he joined the series the late, great, Spencer Matthews had done same thing as he had to Ryan. 'When I first met Spenny he was always poking and prodding me about Louise!'
Pointing it out: Strangely enough Alik later agreed, pointing out that when he joined the series the late, great, Spencer Matthews had done same thing as he had to Ryan. 'When I first met Spenny he was always poking and prodding me about Louise!'

Pointing it out: Strangely enough Alik later agreed, pointing out that when he joined the series the late, great, Spencer Matthews had done same thing as he had to Ryan. 'When I first met Spenny he was always poking and prodding me about Louise!'

Storming off: After this sophisticated, mature, exchange of views, Alik stormed off but not before telling Sam he was ‘a child’ and needed to ‘grow up’ – ironic but not mistaken

Storming off: After this sophisticated, mature, exchange of views, Alik stormed off but not before telling Sam he was ‘a child’ and needed to ‘grow up’ – ironic but not mistaken

'I would have thought he’d actually really want to see me happ-air,' sighed Louise. 'But it’s just words. He’s spouting bulls**t.'

She sounded like a posh version of the androids in Westworld - beginning to question whether they were really saying what they felt or were just puppets programmed by the scriptwriters.

'Do you actually feel that?' she wondered when Alik eventually told her he would 'do better' at respecting her relationship with Ryan. ‘Or are you just saying words now?’

She had gone to see Alik again at the behest of that great expert on relationships Jamie Laing. (And because it was in the script.)

'I can’t hangout with Alik and then have this…The last thing anyone needs is this whole s**t going on,' the shiny puppy complained selfishly but simultaneously speaking for us all.

Late night: For reasons best known to themselves Louise and Alik met up at midnight, on a bench at a secret location, like spies exchanging information

Late night: For reasons best known to themselves Louise and Alik met up at midnight, on a bench at a secret location, like spies exchanging information

Making amends: 'We were close at one point,' he squinted, turning his frown up to maximum – a warning that he was commencing one of his long soliloquies. 'I was really in love with you. Coming to London was not about rekindling any of that'
Making amends: 'We were close at one point,' he squinted, turning his frown up to maximum – a warning that he was commencing one of his long soliloquies. 'I was really in love with you. Coming to London was not about rekindling any of that'

Making amends: 'We were close at one point,' he squinted, turning his frown up to maximum – a warning that he was commencing one of his long soliloquies. 'I was really in love with you. Coming to London was not about rekindling any of that'

For reasons best known to themselves Louise and Alik met up at midnight, on a bench at a secret location, like spies exchanging information.

'You feel like my dad!' Louise joked, perhaps closer to the truth than she intended and presumably not because Alik was dressed in black with his shirt unbuttoned more like some Medallion Man from the 70s than a Noo Yawk rocker.

'We were close at one point,' he squinted, turning his frown up to maximum – a warning that he was commencing one of his long soliloquies. 'I was really in love with you. Coming to London was not about rekindling any of that.'

No it was because the producers made you. They were paying him to return 'full time' on January the 1st too. He wanted them to be friends, he claimed.

‘I’m here to tell you I am moving here and we are going to be in the same social circle.’ Not to mention on the same programme…

'Maybe in retrospect I was wrong.'

'I am actually in a good place at the moment,' Louise insisted. 'Contrary to what you might think.’

Good place:?'I am actually in a good place at the moment,' Louise insisted. 'Contrary to what you might think’
Good place:?'I am actually in a good place at the moment,' Louise insisted. 'Contrary to what you might think’

Good place:?'I am actually in a good place at the moment,' Louise insisted. 'Contrary to what you might think’

In the past: Or had seen on MIC three weeks ago when viewers had seen her tell all and sundry that she and Ryan hadn’t had sex for ages and had nothing in common anymore except lunges

In the past: Or had seen on MIC three weeks ago when viewers had seen her tell all and sundry that she and Ryan hadn’t had sex for ages and had nothing in common anymore except lunges

Last word: ‘I don’t want to be brought down,’ she concluded

Last word: ‘I don’t want to be brought down,’ she concluded

Or had seen on MIC three weeks ago when viewers had seen her tell all and sundry that she and Ryan hadn’t had sex for ages and had nothing in common anymore except lunges.

‘I don’t want to be brought down,’ she concluded.

Sadly, Louise hadn’t counted on Victoria.

Even Victoria herself admitted: ‘I don’t know Ryan’ – or Alik – but still sneered elegantly that the fight had been, well, common frankly.

Louise defended Ryan’s tantrum, insisting Alik had provoked him.

‘He accused Ryan of acting like a big bear, throwing his limbs around like this!’ she explained, making the mistake of re-enacting it – much to Victoria’s amusement (and ours).

Not holding back: Sadly, Louise hadn’t counted on Victoria. Even Victoria herself admitted: ‘I don’t know Ryan’ – or Alik – but still sneered elegantly that the fight had been, well, common frankly

Not holding back: Sadly, Louise hadn’t counted on Victoria. Even Victoria herself admitted: ‘I don’t know Ryan’ – or Alik – but still sneered elegantly that the fight had been, well, common frankly

Opinions: 'I don’t understand why people have these opinions of my relationship that don’t even know us!' Louise continued unwisely

Opinions: 'I don’t understand why people have these opinions of my relationship that don’t even know us!' Louise continued unwisely

Telling it how it is: 'It’s not something that I wouldn’t say to your face!' Victoria pointed out knowingly – fully aware Louise might accept that this was better when actually it was worse
Telling it how it is: 'It’s not something that I wouldn’t say to your face!' Victoria pointed out knowingly – fully aware Louise might accept that this was better when actually it was worse

Telling it how it is: 'It’s not something that I wouldn’t say to your face!' Victoria pointed out knowingly – fully aware Louise might accept that this was better when actually it was worse

'Look, you might find it funn-air!' Louise objected. 'But it was just narst-air!'

Victoria just smiled even more - or came as close to a smile as the show’s fashion skeleton could manage: a rictus grin.

'I don’t understand why people have these opinions of my relationship that don’t even know us!' Louise continued unwisely.

'It’s not something that I wouldn’t say to your face!' Victoria pointed out knowingly – fully aware Louise might accept that this was better when actually it was worse.

‘Well moving forward we’ll just stay out of each other’s business,’ Louise suggested.

‘Sounds good !’ Victoria beamed, victoriously.

It probably did to her too.

For us though another fight between Louise and Victoria sounded even more appealing than anything involving Ryan and Alik.?

Thrilling: For us though another fight between Louise and Victoria sounded even more appealing than anything involving Ryan and Alik

Thrilling: For us though another fight between Louise and Victoria sounded even more appealing than anything involving Ryan and Alik

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